What justifies disowning?

Jason76

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No, seriously! Well, I agree that constructive criticism is needed sometimes. However, though, a long history of what I see as abuse - covered as advice - might lead someone to disown friends, family members. I suppose it's about an atmosphere of respect. At some point, a person sees the OTHER as being controlling - and the victim is not interested in being a slave.

Anyway, what do you feel are some constructive ways to get around the situation - so disowning - is avoided?
 

Lämmchen

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Setting boundaries and sticking to them can help relationships a lot. If you set a boundary you need to let the other person know about it though! If they don't abide by the boundary you give consequences relating to the boundary. If the person steals from you and you live with him/her, you move out if they continue after setting the boundary and they still steal. Even if the consequences isn't in your favor, in the long run it will mentally help you through the situations.
 

Jason76

Package Team Member
Package Team
Setting boundaries and sticking to them can help relationships a lot. If you set a boundary you need to let the other person know about it though! If they don't abide by the boundary you give consequences relating to the boundary. If the person steals from you and you live with him/her, you move out if they continue after setting the boundary and they still steal. Even if the consequences isn't in your favor, in the long run it will mentally help you through the situations.
I'm normally an easy going person, but I don't think a good relationship with the said people is possible now - cause they won't stop with allegations. It revolves around elderly care - and since there is no paid wage, there is assumptions of abuse.

Well, the way around that problem is with a paid wage with someone monitoring it, but that was never implemented. But the biggest problem is they wouldn't agree to it! They, foolishly think time is not money - or they don't think I should be caring for the person - in that way.

However, I respect the elderly person's choices with money and time; I don't baby them like they do. That's the source of the conflict - and it's unsolvable.

I have a problem with people demanding a "nanny state" - and that's very similar to what's going on here. Said people, don't respect others - but are condescending - and want all to be like children, with them being the boss !!
 

Lämmchen

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You're really in a tough spot. Are they putting you on a guilt trip too? I mean you're probably doing all the work and getting blamed for all kinds of things it sounds like?

Caring for elderly ..and especially family is such a difficult thing unless there is some sort of pre-written contract. I had offered to do it for my mother-in-law (I'd know her since I was 15) but my husband said we couldn't handle it like an assisted living facility. In a way it was a relief but in another way I felt like we didn't do enough for her. There's always going to be guilt.
 

Jason76

Package Team Member
Package Team
You're really in a tough spot. Are they putting you on a guilt trip too? I mean you're probably doing all the work and getting blamed for all kinds of things it sounds like?

Caring for elderly ..and especially family is such a difficult thing unless there is some sort of pre-written contract. I had offered to do it for my mother-in-law (I'd know her since I was 15) but my husband said we couldn't handle it like an assisted living facility. In a way it was a relief but in another way I felt like we didn't do enough for her. There's always going to be guilt.
They are in the bad - so I'm not reconciling with them them easily. It might even be a few years . To do otherwise, just feeds their arrogance. That's their problem.