What justifies disowning?

Jason76

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No, seriously! Well, I agree that constructive criticism is needed sometimes. However, though, a long history of what I see as abuse - covered as advice - might lead someone to disown friends, family members. I suppose it's about an atmosphere of respect. At some point, a person sees the OTHER as being controlling - and the victim is not interested in being a slave.

Anyway, what do you feel are some constructive ways to get around the situation - so disowning - is avoided?
 

Lämmchen

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Setting boundaries and sticking to them can help relationships a lot. If you set a boundary you need to let the other person know about it though! If they don't abide by the boundary you give consequences relating to the boundary. If the person steals from you and you live with him/her, you move out if they continue after setting the boundary and they still steal. Even if the consequences isn't in your favor, in the long run it will mentally help you through the situations.
 

Jason76

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Setting boundaries and sticking to them can help relationships a lot. If you set a boundary you need to let the other person know about it though! If they don't abide by the boundary you give consequences relating to the boundary. If the person steals from you and you live with him/her, you move out if they continue after setting the boundary and they still steal. Even if the consequences isn't in your favor, in the long run it will mentally help you through the situations.

I'm normally an easy going person, but I don't think a good relationship with the said people is possible now - cause they won't stop with allegations. It revolves around elderly care - and since there is no paid wage, there is assumptions of abuse.

Well, the way around that problem is with a paid wage with someone monitoring it, but that was never implemented. But the biggest problem is they wouldn't agree to it! They, foolishly think time is not money - or they don't think I should be caring for the person - in that way.

However, I respect the elderly person's choices with money and time; I don't baby them like they do. That's the source of the conflict - and it's unsolvable.

I have a problem with people demanding a "nanny state" - and that's very similar to what's going on here. Said people, don't respect others - but are condescending - and want all to be like children, with them being the boss !!
 

Lämmchen

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You're really in a tough spot. Are they putting you on a guilt trip too? I mean you're probably doing all the work and getting blamed for all kinds of things it sounds like?

Caring for elderly ..and especially family is such a difficult thing unless there is some sort of pre-written contract. I had offered to do it for my mother-in-law (I'd know her since I was 15) but my husband said we couldn't handle it like an assisted living facility. In a way it was a relief but in another way I felt like we didn't do enough for her. There's always going to be guilt.
 

Jason76

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You're really in a tough spot. Are they putting you on a guilt trip too? I mean you're probably doing all the work and getting blamed for all kinds of things it sounds like?

Caring for elderly ..and especially family is such a difficult thing unless there is some sort of pre-written contract. I had offered to do it for my mother-in-law (I'd know her since I was 15) but my husband said we couldn't handle it like an assisted living facility. In a way it was a relief but in another way I felt like we didn't do enough for her. There's always going to be guilt.

They are in the bad - so I'm not reconciling with them them easily. It might even be a few years . To do otherwise, just feeds their arrogance. That's their problem.
 

Terminated

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My father disowned me when I was 15. He'd been in and out of my life since I was 5. When I was 12 my mother sent me to live with him. I lived with him for 3 years in Arkansas. Before I left him to stay with my mother. He had become more and more open about how much he hated her. He wasn't letting me visit her much. He was an angry drunk who got me up in the middle of the night to bitch and gripe about everything. His wife hated me. Neither me, him, or her got along. So I decided to stay with my mother in Missouri and I personally requested a change in custody to my mother's lawyer and the judge which was granted. I wrote a letter to the judge why I wanted to stay with my mother and told the judge exactly what my father was doing. You could say that I got sick of putting up with him. After it was all said and done and I was living with my mother. My father told me to have a nice life. I did try to talk to him on a few occasions but he wasn't interested and hung up the phone pretty quick. I thought I could forgive him. But you can't forgive trash and that's exactly what he is.