When members bully...do you leave?

[Katrina]

If you go to a site where members bully, do you stick it out because you have fond memories of the place, or do you leave? As a site owner, what do you do when you see members bullying, and maybe even some of your staff joining in to belittle a member?

 

[Ghost]

I hate that type of thing, but it seems to happen across all types of online forums, social media, etc. I think it's kind of the unfortunate thing about hiding behind an "anonymous" username. If more people had their profiles tied to their real life name, or image, etc, then it would probably (or hopefully) reduce the amount of bullying that happens.

As a web admin, I'd like to think I would try to intervene, talk to the bullying members (maybe suspend or ban depending on severity). One of the hardest decisions I think a community administrator can face is the choice to ban a long time or popular member. The goal is to prevent bullying and have a peaceful community, but what if that action causes other people to leave or overall posts to decrease? I'm not saying that everyone should let the bullies stay, I simply mean to say that it can be hard for an admin to follow through with the decision if it could potentially kill off part of their community.

As a community member I usually try to say something, but it can be hard to get people to change if the people doing the bullying are part of the staff or core members. It's important that people stand up for each other and that they do it quickly. One problem with the nature of forums is that people may not reply for days or weeks to a thread, and by then someone that has been bullied may have already left, felt sad, etc, and the bullies themselves have probably already gone on to bully others. In my experience the most bullying can happen on smaller forums while more active communities usually will have posts removed or downvoted quick enough that it's hard for bullies to really gang up on someone.

I remember many years ago I was playing World of Warcraft on a private server, called Wowscape (was so much fun and popular that it faced a famous lawsuit from Blizzard) and I found a player cheating at the game. His/her character was jumping around and moving way too fast and they were doing this to fight another player. I screenshotted it and posted it on the forums. Well, little did I know was that this player was one of the most popular players on the server. They had one of the highest rankings in PvP and were respected by many. However, the game masters (in-game admins basically) decided to ban their account for cheating. This player who was now permanently banned had spent thousands of dollars (Yes, real life USD) on items on this private server, so it was a very controversial banning.

I received hatemail in-game, terrible PMs on the forums, and a large part of the community was very upset. The server ended up going on successfully so it didn't kill off the community, but it certainly caused tension between the staff that didn't agree with the decision (ultimately the cheating in the game was not done in a competitive setting, so many people argued that it shouldn' matter), and other players who were friends with that person obviously would be upset.

 

[Shortie_]

As someone who does not tolerate bullying and I hate to see any kind of bullying, if I were to see bullying on a forum I was a member of and it wasn't being dealt with in the way I would have hoped then I would sure leave the forum and not come back.

There is no excuse for bullying at all and any kind of bullying no matter where it is should always be dealt with.

 

[Moonface]

I have definitely reduced my activity within a forum when I've seen incidents of bullying someone else that isn't addressed, and even when it has been addressed it still depends. For example, I recall a forum (no longer around) where multiple people bullied a member who was asking for help to the point they left; no staff were online until the damage was done and although it was condemned, the trouble I had was seeing a significant portion of the community all jumping in made it pretty clear that whether tolerated or not, there was toxicity within that community that would be happy with being left unchecked. It's hard to want to continue in such a place when seeing that.

 

[Katrina]

I have definitely reduced my activity within a forum when I've seen incidents of bullying someone else that isn't addressed, and even when it has been addressed it still depends. For example, I recall a forum (no longer around) where multiple people bullied a member who was asking for help to the point they left; no staff were online until the damage was done and although it was condemned, the trouble I had was seeing a significant portion of the community all jumping in made it pretty clear that whether tolerated or not, there was toxicity within that community that would be happy with being left unchecked. It's hard to want to continue in such a place when seeing that.

That's really sad that the community ganged up on someone like that. What did the staff do once they came back online?

 

[Ravenfreak]

If I ever see bullying going on in a community, I will up and leave especially if the staff isn't doing anything about it. If I see it happening on my community, I will give the member bullying others a warning, and will send them a private message too. If they continue to harass other members, they will be suspended for a few days. Hopefully then they'll get the picture and stop the behavior, if not then they'll get banned. On any of the communities that I was a member on that had troublesome members, the staff were pretty quick to suspend them before things got out of hand.

 

[Moonface]

That's really sad that the community ganged up on someone like that. What did the staff do once they came back online?

I recall they expressed disappointment over the responses and closed the thread, but I don't know if anyone was warned for it (since if that was done it wasn't made public).

 

[Shawn Gossman]

If the forum owners are not going to address the bullying, then I pretty much give up on the place and leave. I usually change my password to a random string and change to a fake email to prevent myself from ever going back.

I haven't had to do that in a long time though.

But I don't have time for bullying.

 

[Ghost]

I have definitely reduced my activity within a forum when I've seen incidents of bullying someone else that isn't addressed, and even when it has been addressed it still depends. For example, I recall a forum (no longer around) where multiple people bullied a member who was asking for help to the point they left; no staff were online until the damage was done and although it was condemned, the trouble I had was seeing a significant portion of the community all jumping in made it pretty clear that whether tolerated or not, there was toxicity within that community that would be happy with being left unchecked. It's hard to want to continue in such a place when seeing that.

This is actually the most common type of bullying that I see. When someone asks for help, people will immediately judge them. If the question is too simple, or it has been asked hundreds of times before, there's a good chance someone may say "go Google it". This type of response can easily spiral into "did you even do any research?" And similar comments that dig at the person's abilities, intelligence, etc. It is gatekeeping by a community and can be very toxic for new members or beginners in a category.

 

[Katrina]

This is actually the most common type of bullying that I see. When someone asks for help, people will immediately judge them. If the question is too simple, or it has been asked hundreds of times before, there's a good chance someone may say "go Google it". This type of response can easily spiral into "did you even do any research?" And similar comments that dig at the person's abilities, intelligence, etc. It is gatekeeping by a community and can be very toxic for new members or beginners in a category.

Now that I think about it, I see that on Facebook groups all the time!! Google doesn't always have up-to-date information on restaurants, so people ask in the groups about time or days open and they'll always get others saying to Google it. But that might not be the most accurate way, so asking people who actually visit the restaurant, or even the owners could be in the group, will get them the actual info they need.

 

[Moonface]

This is actually the most common type of bullying that I see. When someone asks for help, people will immediately judge them. If the question is too simple, or it has been asked hundreds of times before, there's a good chance someone may say "go Google it". This type of response can easily spiral into "did you even do any research?" And similar comments that dig at the person's abilities, intelligence, etc. It is gatekeeping by a community and can be very toxic for new members or beginners in a category.

A better approach if possible would be to set up a standard reply for common questions that can just quickly be used to save time and not be off hand. To give an example, when I was staff on ZetaBoards we would naturally get a lot of support tickets that were asking questions we are dozens of times a week, and so we set up pre-written replies with all the information we'd give that person if we just typed a reply manually, and all we needed to do was just select the reply we needed from a drop down box. What was nice is it added that content onto the end of whatever reply we wrote manually, so we could still add our own stuff into the same reply if we needed to.

I try to view asking for information like asking it offline. I wouldn't just tell someone to Google it and give them the answer if I know it or direct them to the answer if it exists already, such as if I was asked in a mall where the food court is and I'm not sure I'll direct them to the map, and similarly on a forum I'd either give the answer again or link to a previous time it was asked if there's a lot of info in that thread that it's just easier for everyone to show the person that thread instead of repeating everything again, and tell that person if they have further questions after reading a past instance to just pick up the assistance from there.

 

[ForumSam]

Yeah I can’t stand bullying, I have no tolerance on it. If it was minor and fairly innocent then they’d get a warning just to watch what they say but if it’s serious I’d suspend their account.

I don’t understand why people give sarcastic replies like “Google it” considering that’s what forums are for and it only benefits the forum in terms of SEO etc.

 

[Page]

nope

 

[Henrywrites]

If you go to a site where members bully, do you stick it out because you have fond memories of the place, or do you leave? As a site owner, what do you do when you see members bullying, and maybe even some of your staff joining in to belittle a member?

I will always stick around and lay my reports to the site owner. I don't fear bullies and I can give them a bigger dose of what they dish out, but letting the site owner know what is going on is the best move that I will make. I wouldn't want to be tagged a trouble maker.

 

[simonweb]

Yes, bullying is not acceptable and I can't stand it. I don't want to be a part of a community that has admin and mods that do not stop harassment and bullying on their website. So yes, I will leave the community if I feel like the admin and moderators don't take it seriously.

 

[Katrina]

Yes, bullying is not acceptable and I can't stand it. I don't want to be a part of a community that has admin and mods that do not stop harassment and bullying on their website. So yes, I will leave the community if I feel like the admin and moderators don't take it seriously.

What about the members who bully? Or other site owners who are bullying from their sites?

 

[simonweb]

What about the members who bully? Or other site owners who are bullying from their sites?

If mods and admin are unwilling or unable to stop and remove such content, then the blame is on them and I don't want to be part of their community. And if admins are participating in or actively harass from their own website, then I leave ASAP.

 

[Krissycakes09]

I leave as I hate bully.

 

[zappaDPJ]

I have zero tolerance towards bullying whether it's on-line or in real life. When I found my out my daughter was being bullied at school I sat down with the perpetrator's parents and made it crystal clear that the bullying was to stop immediately and it did.

If it happens online on a forum I own or I'm invested in I'll call it out and give support to the person being bullied. Persistent bullying can lead to a tragic end and it should never be ignored.

 

[Max The Dog]

Lol