Breakup...

[USHost247]

Well, on the 21st..I broke it off with a girl..not just any girl..Someone I was ready to marry to..Spend forever with. I was engaged with her. I was with her for 2 and half years, but knew her longer than that.

We went through some very rough times together, we spent many many days with each other and it seemed as if everything was just fine for the past year(or somewhere round there)..We hit a few bumpy spots in the relationship that sent us apart, but we were back together a week later. I loved that girl with everything I could give...I still do? As I write this, I want to cry..I stand strong and hold it back so no others will see my pain. I hold it back so no one sees a weakness in me. I suppose I'm a bad guy for wondering what my girl was doing at someone's house at 4am in the morning when her own mother didn't worry too much about it..I guess I'm the bad one that would work each day and come home to see my fiance. Each day I had off from work, 2 days a week..I would spend those with her. I spent night at her house 2 days a week...

I even lost contact with my friends because I was so in to being with her. She loved my accompany, I loved hers. It seemed as if we were made for each other....

...
....

Then things started...
...again

I seen some text messages from a guy...those texts were asking her if she had been attracted to him..to come over...if it was okay to flirt with her...and the one you could say really flew me over the edge of earth.."i have like some hickies on my boobs".

When confronted, all was denied, like previous times. Who was I so expect an upfront answer? Who was I to get the truth? ...and...who am I to try...to try again to see tomorrow?

As each day passes, It gets harder and harder...I had it fine the first day...but when memories hit me...All was lost. Seems everything I do..we had a memory.

What does a man do when he can push no further? What does a man do to continue his fate till tomorrow? ...What does a man do when half his soul was ripped out and thrown into a garbage can and sealed off?

You will always know when your IN love..cause when it comes crashing down..you want to crash and burn with it.

I sit here and stare at pictures you once gave me...ones we took, memories we had...memories we would have had..and just sit here....and watch them crumble to pieces.

I feel a huge empty hole...a hole that will never be replaced? An emptiness of half my soul missing.

It hurts..it really hurts.

...but at a certain point, you choose to continue tomorrow or not.


-chris

 

[Nostradamus]

All I will say on the matter is I have been through similar instances. I absolutely despise women but obviously they are not all the same. They are not worth all of the hassle. One girl should not put you through so much stress and make you feel this bad and you know that. If it is meant to be then you wouldn't ever feel stressed, or like you want to cry. I have been through it and you think that she is everything to you and you can not live without her - but trust me it is a lot better without her. You do not seem to be of old age, live your life as a free man and do what you want when you want. Do not let a female decide what you do or control you. Think of if you were with her could you really do everything you want to do?

It may seem hard but one girl is not worth it, plenty more fish in the sea.
"I don't chase them, I replace them." - Christopher Wallace

 

[USHost247]

All I will say on the matter is I have been through similar instances. I absolutely despise women but obviously they are not all the same. They are not worth all of the hassle. One girl should not put you through so much stress and make you feel this bad and you know that. If it is meant to be then you wouldn't ever feel stressed, or like you want to cry. I have been through it and you think that she is everything to you and you can not live without her - but trust me it is a lot better without her. You do not seem to be of old age, live your life as a free man and do what you want when you want. Do not let a female decide what you do or control you. Think of if you were with her could you really do everything you want to do?

It may seem hard but one girl is not worth it, plenty more fish in the sea.
"I don't chase them, I replace them." - Christopher Wallace

Thanks for taking time to read. and yes, I'm 20. Not old at all.

 

[Nostradamus]

Exactly, then why would you really want to get married now? What about when you are 23, bored and want to go to Amsterdam or Thailand for a lads break? Focus on the positives, make your life about bettering yourself not trying to keep a girlfriend. They are distractions, easy come, easy go.

 

[Black Angel]

Sorry for butting in like this, but I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry to hear about your break up. I've been there. The cheating, confrontation, the A.I.D.S. test etc. it does get better though. The RIGHT person wouldn't do that to you though and at least you now have an opportunity to find that person because you are free.

While 20 is a bit young to be thinking about marriage or serious relationships, I've no room to say anything. I was 19 when I started dating my husband and he was 22 at the time. We were together for 10 years before we got married despite the increasing pressure along the way whom those who knew each other for a lot less, dated for less time and subsequently were married for less time as well. Some of these people were divorced 2 and 3 times over in the time we've been together and this December we are coming up on 12 years together and 2 years of marriage.

There is plenty of time for that, and instead of feeling bad, you could take the good things from it and count it as a learning experience. The relationship was already over when you were checking her text messages and you had suspected that she had already emotionally and physically checked out of the relationship, you just wanted confirmation of your suspicions and sadly, that is exactly what you got. I say this because there is no relationship without trust. You now know that you have what it takes to be in an adult, commited relationship, and at your young age, that is commendable trait.

There are men (and women) out there that are more than double your age who still don't and running around out there willing to stick their envelope in any mailbox they see and vice versa (and then have the nerve to b-tch about it if/when they end up with someone else's junk mail they don't want and packages that they don't remember ordering, but have to pay for, and for a very long time, but can't return.) Also, you now know exactly the kind of person she is, and you know now that it could've been worse.. you could've ended up with her.

You also know that you've got the stones to end it with the person that isn't treating you in the way you deserve to be treated. This is another commendable trait you have, because again, there are people double your age and older that still dont and they end up going back remembering only the good times and conveniently forgeting or ignoring the fact that they broke up for a reason, only to complain later on that that person hasn't changed.

You shouldn't hold in your emotions though. It doesn't make you stronger, it actually makes you weaker. If you hold it in, it will eat at you and cause your anger to grow and you will become bitter as a result. That will become a weakness that can be exploitable by any one. It is better to get your emotions out, forgive her (not to her face, and forgiving doesn't mean taking her back, but you have to forgive her in your heart) so that you can then move on. That, is what actually makes you stronger and that is exactly what I did.

The more energy you waste being hurt and angry over her, the harder it will be for someone better to get close to you. Someone might want to come up and talk to you, but will be hesitent to do so because they see how hurt and preoccupied you are over your previous break up. Don't give your ex that kind of power over you.

As I said earlier, I've been there and while I dont know you, judging from your post, the way I see it, you got the better end of the bargain, and are the true winner here.. while the other guy, just got her.

 

[Nyvorlas]

Hello Chris Grigg,

I understand although I can not relate to what it is that you are feeling. I am just glad that you are doing what you feel is right. You must do what you feel is right. If she is cheating on you then you have to do what you think will fix the problem.

~FlashDown

 

[Nathan]

Sorry for butting in like this, but I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry to hear about your break up. I've been there. The cheating, confrontation, the A.I.D.S. test etc. it does get better though. The RIGHT person wouldn't do that to you though and at least you now have an opportunity to find that person because you are free.

While 20 is a bit young to be thinking about marriage or serious relationships, I've no room to say anything. I was 19 when I started dating my husband and he was 22 at the time. We were together for 10 years before we got married despite the increasing pressure along the way whom those who knew each other for a lot less, dated for less time and subsequently were married for less time as well. Some of these people were divorced 2 and 3 times over in the time we've been together and this December we are coming up on 12 years together and 2 years of marriage.

There is plenty of time for that, and instead of feeling bad, you could take the good things from it and count it as a learning experience. The relationship was already over when you were checking her text messages and you had suspected that she had already emotionally and physically checked out of the relationship, you just wanted confirmation of your suspicions and sadly, that is exactly what you got. I say this because there is no relationship without trust. You now know that you have what it takes to be in an adult, commited relationship, and at your young age, that is commendable trait.

There are men (and women) out there that are more than double your age who still don't and running around out there willing to stick their envelope in any mailbox they see and vice versa (and then have the nerve to b-tch about it if/when they end up with someone else's junk mail they don't want and packages that they don't remember ordering, but have to pay for, and for a very long time, but can't return.) Also, you now know exactly the kind of person she is, and you know now that it could've been worse.. you could've ended up with her.

You also know that you've got the stones to end it with the person that isn't treating you in the way you deserve to be treated. This is another commendable trait you have, because again, there are people double your age and older that still dont and they end up going back remembering only the good times and conveniently forgeting or ignoring the fact that they broke up for a reason, only to complain later on that that person hasn't changed.

You shouldn't hold in your emotions though. It doesn't make you stronger, it actually makes you weaker. If you hold it in, it will eat at you and cause your anger to grow and you will become bitter as a result. That will become a weakness that can be exploitable by any one. It is better to get your emotions out, forgive her (not to her face, and forgiving doesn't mean taking her back, but you have to forgive her in your heart) so that you can then move on. That, is what actually makes you stronger and that is exactly what I did.

The more energy you waste being hurt and angry over her, the harder it will be for someone better to get close to you. Someone might want to come up and talk to you, but will be hesitent to do so because they see how hurt and preoccupied you are over your previous break up. Don't give your ex that kind of power over you.

As I said earlier, I've been there and while I dont know you, judging from your post, the way I see it, you got the better end of the bargain, and are the true winner here.. while the other guy, just got her.

You're a very wise lady. Everything Black Angel has said is very relative to the issue and makes so much sense. These are wise words.

You know what they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but you know, there are also plenty of sharks.

Just keep trying to find nemo, and once you find her, you'll be the happiest you've ever been.

 

[Nebulous]

I suppose I'm a bad guy for wondering what my girl was doing at someone's house at 4am in the morning when her own mother didn't worry too much about it.

I hate apologizing and saying I'm wrong in situations like this.. You're not the bad guy.

 

[USHost247]

Thanks so much everyone that has read my post and responded with such care. 🙂 Great words.

 

[Deleted member 7467]

Sorry dude, I know how bad it sucks. :/