Creative Writing Thread

[InfiniteJest]

EDIT: Post any poems, song lyrics, short stories, anything really and get some feedback!

Hey guys, recently wrote a song, can I get some feedback? What do you like/not like, overall opinions? I'd appreciate it. Anyway, here it is:

You look in my direction, ask "What the hell is wrong with me?"
I wanna tell you somethin' but it just ain't meant to be
I try to keep it secret but that won't come easily
But if I could tell you somethin' it would be

Girl you're beautiful, in every single way
Girl you're beautiful, don't make no mistake
If I could have you here beside me from last night until today
I'd treasure every moment, wouldn't let it get away

I don't know how you got here I mean who the hell is he?
To tell you that you're nothin, he must be blind cause he can't see
Whats put out there before him i'm assumin' he don't know
But if he doesn't see what I see let him go

Cause girl you're beautiful, in every single way
Girl you're beautiful, don't make no mistake
If I could have you here beside me from last night until today
I'd treasure every moment, wouldn't let it get away

And i'll try always to never let you down
Take your heart up in my hands and carry it around
but I promise its no burden and I promise its no chore
cause every little thing that you do has got me floored

Cause girl you're beautiful, in every single way
Girl you're beautiful, don't make no mistake
If I could have you here beside me from last night until today
I'd treasure every moment, wouldn't let it get away

Girl you're beautiful, I love you more than I can say.

 

[danider]

Re: Feedback on a Song I Wrote?

Good text 🙂 But if i can ask for what genre it is written for ? You have to work a bit on the flow of the song, because on one or two places it will be crappy picture for me 🙂 But my overall opinion is that this is very good. 8/10 🙂

 

[juststeven]

Re: Feedback on a Song I Wrote?

Very good, sounds like it would make a good rap. The verses rap the chorus Hip-Hop.

 

[Destructoino]

Re: Feedback on a Song I Wrote?

I wish I could hear it.

 

[MissTake]

Re: Feedback on a Song I Wrote?

Me too....I want to hear the vocals and melody, that way we can say better if it works, you could always get someone else to sing it for you 😉

 

[InfiniteJest]

Re: Feedback on a Song I Wrote?

Yeah, its definitely a work in progress. I've only written through the lyrics once, but I plan on cleaning them up a bit tonight, make it flow better. As far as genre it would be more of a kinda alternative killers/coldplayesque kinda love song, i'm in the process of writing the music to go with it, but its a difficult process.


Thanks for the feedback guys!

 

[InfiniteJest]

Re: Feedback on a Song I Wrote?

Changed the thread to be a more creative writing thread

Post your stuff, get some feedback, etc.

Heres a poem I wrote:

"Forever"

Its finally over, the jig is finally up
The tables been cleared but I can't get enough
Its a bruise to my ego, a shot to my heart
It makes me wonder, should I ever restart?

The grass won't be as green, the sky won't be as clear
Another person to my heart, could never be as dear
But I need to move on just to prove I know how
Putting aside that I still need you now

I'll wake up tomorrow, with a gap in my soul
But nothings forever, or so i've been told
I try to move on, but my heart holds me back
Says "her loves like a safe, that you've just gotta crack"

I buy in every time, I believe that it's true
Because i'll never love anyone as strongly as you
But as the sun rises, and as the sun sets
My love will be forever, I hope you never forget.

 

[Gimgak]

Wrote a rap

Spoiler

Yo Its Me,
Im da White-MC!
I gots da hoes
and da hookahs too,
smoking dat hookah
all day long, bitch!

Yo (6x)
Yeah (6x)
Ima White-MC(5x)
Yo (6x)

Peace

Nah but to be serious nice poem InfiniteJest, good job with it :great:

 

[InfiniteJest]

Wrote a rap

Spoiler

Yo Its Me,
Im da White-MC!
I gots da hoes
and da hookahs too,
smoking dat hookah
all day long, bitch!

Yo (6x)
Yeah (6x)
Ima White-MC(5x)
Yo (6x)

Peace

Nah but to be serious nice poem InfiniteJest, good job with it :great:

Bahahaaha, you've got no idea how much I needed that. Thanks man