Forum Bullies

[Jason76]

How can a person be objective with criticism without being a jerk about it?

Anyway, I've seen on music lesson and math ones that a gang of bullies roams around picking on people they think are stupid. Also, I've been attacked cause I had a very average website (graphically speaking) on the music lesson one (in the signature), and on the math one, I was a struggling math student with no money for a tutor.

 

[Moonface]

Well first of all the criticism should try to be constructive. Don't just say "It's a bad website" or "That doesn't look good" because it doesn't help anyone. Try to explain why you dislike it in a way that shows your point of view decently and lets the receiver see potential areas for improvement.

If someone is making a point about something that's wrong or you disagree with, inform them of how you believe they are wrong or why you don't agree with them, with valid reasoning behind it all. If you were wrong in class, your teacher would attempt to inform you where you're mistaken, so try to treat situations of incorrectness as if you're a teacher. No one would want nor expect a teacher to belittle their student for being wrong.

Nothing is exempt from criticism, but it should always try to be constructive and helpful, otherwise you can't expect someone to learn and improve if they're just being told "It's bad".

 

[Jason76]

Trash talking is a tough issue cause it's so often directed outside the in-group (possibly a group of tough boys/girls who are into sadism). Like I get unnerved when my brother, who is rich and a rub-it-in-your-face sort, started trash talking me in a one-on-one game (basketball). So it was not about humor, but personal.

 

[Moonface]

Trash talking is best done if both parties are doing it with the knowledge it's all in jest and for fun. For example I could play Mario Kart with my wife and brag about winning or say that she sucks if she loses the one time I manage to beat her, but she knows it's not serious. I wouldn't attempt it with someone I don't know well in person, and sure wouldn't expect it to end well trying to pull it off online because conveying sarcasm is a lot harder with text than speech. XD

 

[BeautifulAngel]

When I give criticism I always try to explain what I like about the forum, community, staff etc. first before I go with any improvements or changes I suggest to do.

I don't believe in ever telling someone their forums or websites suck. If I feel like there could be improvements I always explain to them what I would improve on and give them suggestions but most of all I would explain why I am suggesting what I am and why I feel like the change would be good.

There is no reason to be a bully or tell someone "your forum sucks". You can simply explain kindly what suggestions or improvements you feel would help the forum and why.

 

[Jason76]

When I give criticism I always try to explain what I like about the forum, community, staff etc. first before I go with any improvements or changes I suggest to do.

I don't believe in ever telling someone their forums or websites suck. If I feel like there could be improvements I always explain to them what I would improve on and give them suggestions but most of all I would explain why I am suggesting what I am and why I feel like the change would be good.

There is no reason to be a bully or tell someone "your forum sucks". You can simply explain kindly what suggestions or improvements you feel would help the forum and why.

The main goal of bullying, as in from outsiders not an in-group, is to be mean - so that's not surprising.

 

[Gus]

You only give a bully power when you react to him. Don’t do it.

 

[Jason76]

You only give a bully power when you react to him. Don’t do it.

That's often impossible. In fact, one time I said "I'll pretend I didn't hear that." 🙄 - as if they did any good.

 

[Gus]

That's often impossible.

Not for me.

 

[Jason76]

That's often impossible.

Not for me.

Online is easy, but if you're trapped in real life with one, no.

 

[Gus]

That's often impossible.

Not for me.

Online is easy, but if you're trapped in real life with one, no.

Even then.

 

[BeautifulAngel]

The thing about dealing with a bully is that YOU need to respect yourself enough to know that it is not okay for someone to disrespect you and put you down. That doesn't mean start an argument but stand up for yourself. You deserve respect and the bully should not be treating you in any negative way. Bullies try to aim for people with low self confidence but respect yourself to know that you deserve respect and to be treated kindly.

 

[Kaynil]

There's been a trend in recent years of conflating being rude with being honest or being objective. It is not just about what you want to say but how you say it.

Depending what's your objective it is going to be the framing you will use. So ask yourself what are you getting out of giving your critique: Helping something you care or a quick ego-massage?

Giving proper criticism takes effort. It is not just saying something is odd, is trying to pin point what could help, to bridge the expectation with the reality. It is simple, if you are doing it to help you want to encourage them rather than make them quit. That's the framing.

So tell them the flaws, but tell them what you think could help. If you are not sure what, be honest in your own shortcomings. Maybe someone else can build on what you couldn't now that you brought attention to it.

If you have anything positive to add do it, saying for example, you don't normally comment but you really like their style/project/etc so you felt compelled to give your two cents, can be a very needed lifter.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
This answer is more in a general sense rather than just online, given the conversation on having to deal with bully siblings.

There was an article on an interview with an online troll where some things stuck with me. One of them was that the reason we react is because it is something that we doubt ourselves. He was putting the example on how you wouldn't care if he said you had green hair if you knew it wasn't so but when they point at things you yourself have a room if doubt or haven't accepted that's where they sting. Family and friends tend to know our triggers and it is hard to change other people, so to deal with bullies we also need to work in accepting ourselves and give ourselves permission to be imperfect. This is the basesbof self-respect. If you think about it, aalot of people that come across as confident tend not to be afraid to make a fool of themselves or make self deprecating jokes. They are not stressing about what they should say or not and as a result they speak their mind and know silence is a valid option.

If you receive trash talk just think that no matter what's the result of the match it won't really matter in some weeks or outside the zone. Once you give yourself permission to make a fool of yourself, the worse thing that can happen is not that scary. Laugh about your own mistakes. It's fine. No one is perfect.

Maybe I am not making sense but the short version is bullies insults have a lot less effect if you no longer have the ego's urgency to prove them wrong. Once you realise whatever they are trying to make you fear or angry about doesn't really matter and you have accepted your own flaws then what have they got on you?

 

[Jason76]

Depending what's your objective it is going to be the framing you will use. So ask yourself what are you getting out of giving your critique: Helping something you care or a quick ego-massage?

Interesting because according to some right-wingers (and I'll be hated for saying this for sure) giving an ego massage is being tough - the opposite being a wuss, of course.

Any thoughts anyone? Well, I like to joke around too, but we know that 4-chan crowd wants freedom to be bratty - so what is that exactly? Is it bullying?

😀 Hmmmmm