How to handle this situation?

[Izaya]

I am curious your opinions on an annoying situation of mine.

Question: What to do when you become an unwanted connection to another forum and your members are strongly pressuring you to get rid of people they hate?


Background info:
Alright so the last 8 months or so have been quite...insane for me.

Last June 2014, I was pretty much on a promo spin. Promoting everywhere I could and getting traffic and all that good stuff. I posted a link in my signature on all admin forums like everyone else 🙂 Flashforward to 2015 and I sort of stopped doing that. Partially due to laziness(I burned out) but more so because of the type of people I winded up finding or rather who ended up finding me. This is about 3 forums in relation to mine.


Forum #1: The Admin is a known creep and likely pedo(He actually advertises on Forumpromotion but that's besides the point). He lives in a country with a lax law regarding minors/adults. Which is fine...for his country but not for others who live in a more modern and advanced country.

Anyway his site is full of innuendo and comments about female members. Which is fine. It's his site....It's also what caused IPB to suspend his hosting and shut him down. he retuned back a month later with an IPB license and what not doing the same thing. Age group 12-24(Average 12-17). Admin is 24.

Forum #2:Then there is the other guy who is sort of known on the internet for being a troll and what not. His site is nothing like the above admins but this is a pretty much ANYTHING GOES...If you're sensitive, we don't give a damn and we will troll you and do whatever we want. It's Happy Anarchy. Initially I had an issue with the stuff they have there but I've gotten to know that admin and his members....a lot. I don't agree with the content on their site but at the same time I respect them for being themselves and keeping it real. Age group: 12-30+(average member is 17-26). Admin is 18.

Forum #3: The third site is led by a mid 20s female,....and is full of perverse and downright disgusting content and discussions. The forum is essentially a bunch of people kissing each other's asses. This week's topic is around them persuading the admin of that site to go off and get laid. Spoiler alert: She got laid by a blonde surfer dude. The more you know. Age group: 21 and older but younger members as young as 15.


And then there is my site....at the time an RP site/Book place but is now more General Discussion/Entertainment/Tech

I've become an unwanted fourth in a network of sites. The admin from Forum one actually found my site through my sig posting on admin sites...was weird as hell. Joined and then got banned for being a psycho. He then proceeded to gossip and it caught the attention of Forum #2 and #3 and then their members started joining.

I got rid of most of them and I decided fall 2014 to make my forum private/closed. We lost all of our traffic since I didn't redirect it to the new domain. I did that because my current users were complaining about the members of these 3 forums....and the psycho begin stalking one of my members.

January 2015, we decided to open the site back up to new registrations because I don't like the idea of hiding and in all honesty, these 3 forums are only bad on their own sites. I like Forum 2 the most....Forum 3 is a kiss ass forum and Forum #1 is one psycho's attempt to be relevant when the majority of his members hate him.

Since opening it back up, all of our new members are...wait for it..From these 3 forums. And aside from the admin of Forum #2 joining and making an inappropriate post, they actually aren't doing anything bad and are actually posting. Which is more than I can say for my own users.

But my current users hate the members from these other sites....I've actually befriended some of them.

I am being accused of being afraid of them....because I won't ban them.
I am being accused of encouraging drama...because I wont' ban them.
I am being accuses of finding one of them cute...because I won't ban them.

I don't think my own users will quit....We've seen and deal with worse. But how do you handle a situation when you have your own members who hate the new group....and despite the reputation the new group has...they actually aren't doing anything wrong on your site.


My own members are ready to fight over the stupidest things with the 'bad kids' group lol. I had to demote one of my moderators because she was being overly aggressive for NO REASON all because of an avatar he chose.

I honestly did not ask for this. I didn't want to be considered #4 in their sites...But unfortunately, whether I like it or not...I am #4 and currently the largest/most active of the 4.

The only thing I have in common....We all use IPB 😛

 

[Black Angel]

My first initial response to you is that it is your forum, and at the end of the day it is up to you and you alone to allow or disallow members there for any reason. You could point this out to your members saying that, you aren't scared, etc., it's just that if you wouldn't go off and ban one of them at someone else's insistence, then it wouldn't be fair of them to expect you to do the same thing to someone else. It would only set a dangerous precedent and it would eventually lead to pandemonium on your forum and leave you and your forum with with a nasty rep.. So until these individuals do something wrong on your forum and it can be proven, your hands on the matter are tied.

That being said though, in some of these cases, since you said that these people are or were members of the other 3 forums, then it possible that they could be looking out for you, since they are speaking from experience.

For example, where admin number 1 is concerned, I would definitely watch my back. That is a straight up no go situation right there and it can have nasty consequences for you especially if you know that this guy is a predator and is possibly grooming kids via his forum. God (or insert preference here) forbid that he actually molested, or lead someone to molest a kid, on the forum, and the parent found out about it, they could decide to go after you as well and everyone else if you knew that this guy was a pedophile. Most parents would probably have a "thermonuclear" level of anger and reaction and have a scorched earth/destroy anything and everything mentality, if that happened and really, wouldn't you if it was your kid?

Ironically enough, I've dealt with perverts like this way back when I used to run a WinMX chatroom and in my attempt to keep sickos like this away by having a notice against this posted in my file queue, I ended up being banned myself from a server because of a keyword used. Long story short, it was a mistake that I got rectified and I got so tired of dealing with these people that I decided to create a forum instead.

Your members in this case are simply looking out for you because in cases like this, having one pedo up there will lead to you having more up there and you will end up with a reputation you don't want and possibly can't shake. I mean this guy was already shut down by IPB so obviously your members have a valid reason to be concerned. This guy could be looking for another forum where he can groom kids since his own forum was shut down.

I have never heard of a forum allowing kids as young as 12 on a forum, even if it were run by kids as young as 13. I've always pictured forums as parties or gatherings with a lot of people, and if there are a bunch of adults sitting around and talking to each other about adult-related things, then what business does a 12 year old kid have sitting around them as this occurs? It's not like they can relate (or should be able to in some cases) to the adults on these topics. However, even that could be sketchy because it could lead to the wrong types of people being attracted to that forum, and any other associating forum for the wrong reasons.

Personally, I would state what I said at the beginning of my post, but I would try like hell not to have anything to do with the places that allow kids as young as 12 up there on principle. This isn't to say that kids that young can't hold their own in certain topics, but you don't want to attract pedophiles to your forum simply because you are associated with forums that allow kids that young to be up there. Besides, most adults I've seen on forums wouldn't feel comfortable with talking about certain things around kids, and for good reason as some topics are regarded as "adult" for a reason.

This was a key reason I reopened my forum, even though I merged with my brother's forum and technically still am (even though his place is now closed.) The main demographic of his forum was 13+, and most of his members were 13-19, and he wanted the mature discussions and members from my forum, and the demographic of mine was 24+ and most of them were a few years older than that. Most of my members felt a bit uncomfortable being there [on the merged forum] for this reason. One member said that they had already been through the hell of high school, offline, and they weren't willing to go back to that online, and asked me to please consider reopening my forum.

Overall, like attracts like, and we are often judged by the company we keep and if that is true offline, then it is probably doubly true online and there are just some reputations you really don't want, so its best to avoid certain people for that reason.

 

[Izaya]

Thanks for that 🙂

He himself is not welcomed back on my forum(The Pervert). He has been banned from NUMEROUS forums already for his site. Like I said he even advertises here on Forum Promotion.

But you are right..that is not the reputation I want is that we ban people just because people hate them. Especially since there are many users on my own forum I dislike and yet have yet to ban.

 

[Black Angel]

No problem.. I hope things work out for you. 🙂

And yeah, I know what you mean, although, I probably wouldn't put that in my reasoning.. :lol:

 

[Ashley]

What about site number three? Is she on this forum? Also I don't remember you saying what genera the site is. Unless I bypassed that.

Sorry. Asked about the wrong site. The first time around.

 

[ForumSource]

I feel like if they aren't doing anything wrong on your forum anymore, there's no reason for you to ban them. You're doing the right thing and your current members will just need to understand that. Sure, they might dislike them, but they aren't doing anything wrong! Deal with it. 😛

 

[Ashley]

I feel like if they aren't doing anything wrong on your forum anymore, there's no reason for you to ban them. You're doing the right thing and your current members will just need to understand that. Sure, they might dislike them, but they aren't doing anything wrong! Deal with it. 😛

I agree. If the drama is over, leave it be.