Keeping secrets

[Beverly]

Let's say that a forum member confides something in you and without thinking, you tell another person. Maybe the information you were entrusted with didn't seem like such a big deal, such as personal illness or family problems. But, sharing this info with anyone else might lead to complications for the person who shared it. Not to mention how they would feel betrayed if you told others a secret you were entrusted to keep.

And, actually this happened on my own forum, where one of the forum members told me in private about a condition she was suffering. I didn't tell anyone else, however later she chose to share openly on the forum so that others suffering would understand. It was not difficult keeping her secret as I could see that it was a big deal for her at the time not to have others know. But, sharing it openly turned out to be very cathartic. The event brought us all closer together as a forum community.

What would you do in this type of situation? Really, how do you know when what someone is telling you is a real secret, such as something which should be kept and information which is already widely known? Do you have a policy about keeping secrets of forum members?

 

[Nebulous]

Do you have a policy about keeping secrets of forum members?

This isn't really something a forum administrator can police. However if a secret was leaked and members of the community kept bringing up in a harassing way, that would be something you can try to put a stop to.

 

[VirusZero]

I will generally keep a user's secrets unless their secret in some way negatively impacts our site.

If their secret is that they're underage (say 11 when I only allow those who are 13 or over to join) then they put our site at risk and I will boot them. And at that point anyone who asks why they were booted will be told at least a general reason (basically that they were underage, I wouldn't say exactly how far underage though).

However, even though I will keep their secrets this doesn't mean I won't talk about them/their issues. I have no issue with changing names (or using exceptionally vague names like "Member F") and details to protect their identity while still being able to talk about them and let others (on sites like this) know what sort of situations can occur and what I did in that sort of case (maybe so they can do better or be prepared). Or even to ask what I should/could have done differently.

 

[Soapbox]

As a rule, I think that if someone confides in you, by all means you determine to honour that. If you don't it can follow for a very long time as people resent nothing more than what they interpret as betrayal.