My forum descriptions

[Zenith]

What the bad parts, what should I improve on in the forum descriptions?



Spelling/Grammar & Professionalism - (Out of 20)
Your descriptions are a bit monotone, and they have many grammatical errors in them. I think that you need to write descriptions that make your forum sound more exciting. Make it clear that you've put effort into your forum, and make it sound like there are a lot of interesting discussions on your site! Since I want you to change your descriptions, I'm not going to bother with grammar at the moment. If you choose to take my advice and change your descriptions, then request a follow-up review. I can help you with grammar there.
(Scored 10/20)

 

[Ziveeman]

I think where your descriptions are going are fine. But the grammar is off.

Ah, The first time Pokemon was introduced to our young minds. They turned out brains to mush but it was worth it. Talk about the Yellow, Blue, Red, And The Japanese Exclusive Version Green in here.

should be:

Ah, the first time Pokemon was introduced to our young minds. They turned our brains to mush but it was worth it. Talk about the Red, Blue, Yellow, and the Japanese exclusive version Green in here.

I'm pretty decent with grammar so I can fix it all for some FP cash XD

 

[Jughead]

Without writing them for you, I'd be glad to help you with your descriptions. The reviewer is right, you lack fully developed descriptions. First things first, avoid slang and fragments; instead, write in proper English & use complete sentences. Next, you need to be descriptive, but to the point. A description should be a brief overview of the forum, therefore, you're in no way expected to write a paragraph about the individual forum(s), but it should show you put forth an effort.

For example: (Description contains fragments, improper)
Announcements
"Important updates, current happenings, or anything else we want."
___________________________________________________
(Revised)
Announcements
"Important updates, current events, or other essential information vital to your awareness."
___________________________________________________

Another problem with the descriptions is that you use the word "talk" a lot, and I feel the word talk should be substituted with the word "Discuss" or "Discussion". Using "bigger" words is a way to hook your guest. In addition, try asking a question in the opening line of the description to attract your users. Thirdly, never include extra words that shouldn't be included in the descriptions, such as "Just", because if you took the word out, you could easily still read the description and understand the meaning of the sentence. Lastly, avoid contraptions. Do not = don't = avoid in descriptions. In normal writing, contraptions are fine, but in proper English and in forum descriptions, it is best to spell out the two words.

For example: (Description contains fragments, improper)
Pokemon General Chat
"Just talk about pokemon randomly. Just talk about Pokemon. Pokemon topics that doesn't (does not) *Should be don't* seem to fit anywhere else, fit here."
___________________________________________________
(Revised)
Pokemon General Chat
"Unsure where you should post it? Give the Pokemon General Chat a try. Discuss Pokemon in general!
___________________________________________________

Hope this helps! :great: