My best convo.
Stranger: hi
Stranger: you like beans?
You: SHIT SUPPORT MY LORD
You: SHIT SUPPORT
You: and oh yes old chap. I love old beans
Stranger: how bout corn
You: I love to go down and see my friends Gertrude and Kenneth
You: sorry did you mean porn?
Stranger: no i meant gay porn
You: Oh I love a good bit of British porn
You: Hetrosexual porn of course
You: I like listening to Jackie Gleeson porn as well
You: pow right in the kisser!
Stranger: listening >.>
Stranger: o.0
Stranger: PERVERT
You: Yes, I have ears old bean..
Stranger: thats nice n cheesy
Stranger: i didnt ask
You: I'm not perverted, I'm a very posh young Eton student.
You: I'm know as ''briefcase wanker'' ''clumpy shoes'' ''gay hair'' ''specky shortarse''
You: Sorry for my terrible language by the way, it was just in context.
You: At Eton we never swear.
Stranger: do u like fingers?
You: Please don't tell me you are using the divine art of sexual inneundo
You: We condemn that at Eton
Stranger: the **** does that mean
You: Oh sorry old bean I'll explain it you. Eton is a posh school in London, UK. Unlike most of London, stab-free for over 100 years!
Stranger: ...
Stranger: the one b4 that
You: Oh I am sorry Sir, I really shouldn't be using exclamation marks. This is a formal conversation. I'm using it as part of a project.
Stranger: |
Stranger: a/s/l/bd/c/hs/es/opitmnn2bs/pf
You: Sorry Sir, I do not understand. If I go by my instincts , you are pressing random keys?
Stranger: no
You: With all due respect, that is very immature. Not the sort of behaviour that would get you into Harvard.
Stranger: wisconsin
You: Or the British equivalent, Cambridge university.
Stranger: brb
You: Oh sorry Sir, I don't recognise wisconsin as a word.
You: I'm pretty sure the same can be said for brb. In fact, that doesn't even have a vowel.
Stranger: ...
You: I am very sorry, is my spiffing intellect too much for your brain, which if I may say with all due respect seems to have quite a low capacity.
Stranger: STOP TALKING
You: Sir.
You: I would really appreciate it if you didn't write in solely capitals. It implies shouting, and I am being perfectly calm with you.
Stranger: i dont talk solely in capitals
Stranger: neither does barny the english rat of the us
You: You did. If I may quote you old bean ''Stranger: STOP TALKING''.
Stranger: You did. If I may quote you old bean ''Stranger: STOP TALKING''. that was only once you incompentent fool
You: Sir. I am an Eton student who got 10 A*'s in their GCSE's. I don't think I am incompetent whatsoever.
Stranger: and brb is an acronym meaning be right back
You: Ok, well please use proper English. It will look unprofessional on my project.
Stranger: whatsoever is a stupid word
You: Sir, it's a part of the Oxford Dictionary, so it isn't stupid. The Oxford Dictionary commands respect.
Stranger: professional you mean my good sir?
Stranger: so does jelly
Stranger: i mean jam
Stranger: an ox is an animal and a ford is a car
Stranger: so a ox car?
You: Sir, I'm going to assume the acronym brb is used in various everyday tasks for not so posh people like yourself which include texting. Here at Eton, texts have proper English, full stops, commas, inverted commas. To put it simply, perfect punctuation.
Stranger: ...
Stranger: You Are A Cruel Person
You: Sir, I'm sorry but what you have just said about jam, jelly, an ox and a Ford is completely out of context.
Stranger: SOS UR MUM
You: Sir, I'm not a cruel person. I am head boy at Eton. Do you think a cruel person could achieve that?
Stranger: brb
Stranger: bak
You: Sir, you missed an apostrophe in so's. I'm really sorry, but my standards are better then that. When I say that, I don't mean it disrespectfully. I just want my fellow human beings to have the best spelling and grammar possible.
Stranger: fine
Stranger: be that way
You: Please don't be impatient and get angry. I feel I am being perfectly reasonable with you.
Stranger: ALABAMA
Stranger: Sally Ate A Bucket of Ham On Friday With Chopsticks
Stranger: I am being completely honest with you in the most complex way possible and if you are incompentent enough to not realize that then Eton is a razorblade of a chinese massacre
You: It sounded like you were trying to make an acronym out of Alabama, hence the word being in capitals. Yet you said something that was nowhere near an acronym of the word. Either you are speaking unneccessary, out of context English or you are just a silly young folk.
Stranger: Silly Young Folk..
Stranger: THAT IS OBSERD
You: Sir, do you mean absurd? With all due respect, that spelling was way off the mark.
Stranger: i am a very knowledgable english scholar
Stranger: oopsie
Stranger: barny made a poopsy
You: Also, all the Barny's I know are actually called Barney. Yet another small mistake, yet one that makes you look that little bit more foolish.
Stranger: Head boy... does that mean your head is boy of eton
Stranger: o mai
You: Sir, I would never engage in any homosexual acts. When I said I was head boy of Eton, I meant I was the head of the year. My role has no sexual connotations so please do not make statements suggesting they do.
Stranger: I have not watched Barney in some years it is not uncommon to forget purple dinosaurs.
You: Sir, if I saw a purple dinosaur. I think it would be uncommon to forget it. It's a once in a life time experience and if I saw a dinosaur, it could make me very famous and also mean Dinosaurs's existance on the planet could be on a comeback trail. Sorry if I sound a little corny in the previous sentence, I couldn't think of a better way to word it.
Stranger: i wasnt trying to be homosexual
You: Sir, I would never accuse a fellow human being of being a homosexual unless it is proven. Innocent until proven guilty. Living in America, you should know that better then me.
Stranger: mean people have knowledge that makes them cruel in an unnatural way. men are very fond of the word unnatural. so
Stranger: saying alabama and wisconsin does not mean i live in america
Stranger: i could live in nebraska
Stranger: You Need To Be Able To Type Faster
Stranger: You Are As Slow As A Snail Turtlwe
Stranger: Turtle i meant my good suh
You: Sir, once again your spelling lets you down. Also, I do not recognise an animal called a snail turtle. Good to see you corrected what you said though, you are learning well Sir. Earn yourself a complimentary beverage.
Stranger: Ty mai good suh nau gu eat a acholical beerosh peice of poptart
You: Also, I never said saying Alabama or Wisconsin means you live in America. Making assumptions is just wrong.
Stranger: I SAID I LIVE IN NEBRASKA
Stranger: THATS IN NEW JERSEY
Stranger: WUTS WRONG WITH YOU
Stranger: I HAVE MY CAPS LOCK ON BTW
Stranger: DONT COMMENT ON MY SUPERIOR LANGUAGE
Stranger: MY GRAMMAR IS FLAWLESS
You: Sir, please use formal language with me. I understand my spiffing heritage and stronge sense of Britishness may annoy you a little, but you should be co-operative with me in this situation and use proper English.
Stranger: Y
You: Sir, I hate to contradict you but you say your grammar is flawlees, but at the end of that message you didn't put a full stop and in the previous message you missed out an apostrophe in don't. Please back up your claims sufficiently, it will help you in life.
Stranger: I Am Afraid That I Must Go My Good Sir.
Stranger: GOod Bye
Stranger: CHINESE THEME SONG
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
