Once upon a time there was a guy that didn't like to rhyme,
he was legend of crime.
Change came in his life,
he had it hard to survive.
But a hand reached out to help him get safe and sound,
he was back with his feet on the ground.
One day he went online and knew what he want.
He started a forum called HPC,
It made him very happy
This forum of mine made my dream come true in time.
And now I like to rhyme!
The end is not in sight, a dream happened in real to help people,
with HPC he made allot of people leave pleased and not teased!
6/10 for effort, perhaps some lines should be longer and some shorter, and some rhyme a bit more.
I write poems myself e.g
Time is the trees in the breeze,
Time is the hanky in which we sneeze,
Time is the face in which we love,
Time is the message carried by a dove,
Time is the lesson of which we learn,
Time is of which we yearn,
Time is a book with no end,
Time is a fiend and then a friend.
I agree with the syllables, but with the consistent rhyme scheme... well no. Look at the work of William Shakespeare, and some of his sonnets. Not all of them followed a specific rhyming scheme, but did follow the rule of the basic sonnet (consists of 14 lines, each line containing ten syllables) Poems don't have to have rules though. Poetry, is just used to express your ideas in a way it can connect with others. It isn't about the form; It's about how you word, and present it.
I give this poem a simple 4/10 for it's simplicity, and for it's... well... confusing story. First off, when you start the poem, you are talking in the third person, using words such as "he," and near the middle, you switch off to the first person, using "I" and a possessive word, like "Mine." Try working on what point of view you are writing from, BEFORE working on the poem.
