Real Life

[Cosmic]

So, I guess this is another edition of my "fairly controversial, thought provoking threads" in this forum. So, please bear with me here. This is something I've noticed for the past several months and years, so this isn't related to anyone specifically.

We've all heard it. A staff member saying that they can't contribute because of "Real Life Issues," "Real life getting in the way," and being "Busy in real life," etc. Probably most of us have said this at some point too, probably even me. 😛 The question I'd like to ask honestly, though, is whether this is really a thing.

Don't get me wrong. People get busy with exams, friends, girlfriends, school, homework, taking out the trash, etc. but I think the fact is that most people have downtime that they can just sit back, relax, and do something. Maybe that means a few minutes of enjoyment in between hours of frantic studying, or an hour of zombie-mode before bed every night, but I think that in most cases, people still have some free time, and when they say that "real life is getting in the way," they are largely being inaccurate.

What I think people should be saying instead is:

• "I lost interest in participating in this forum"
• "I am too busy with other projects"
• "I am not as interested in forums in general any more"
• "I am spending my time on other pass-times."
• "I'm afraid I have less time nowadays, so I've had to cut down on my pass-times a bit. I really enjoyed my time here, but I also enjoy doing XYZ, so will be doing that instead."

Do you know what I mean? It seems that saying things like that instead would be a lot more honest, more accurate, and generally more believable. At this point, it is hard for a lot of people to take you seriously when you say "real life issues," because so many people use this as an excuse.

And also, I'm completely fine with someone losing interest in a forum. People do that all the time. But if you lose interest in something, then I don't think you need an excuse. All you have to do is say "I am no longer interested in this. Thanks for everything" and then peace out.

What about people who've had a death in the family, severe illness, etc.

In this case, I think it would be accurate to say that real life issues got in the way. But I think that whenever someone uses this phrase and they did not have something serious happen to them, it really devalues the phrase. If everyone who told me that they couldn't contribute because of real life issues was actually going through severe real life trauma, then the world would be a very depressing place. 😛

In Conclusion...

I think that about wraps it up. Sorry if this came across as a rant! :lol: And if you have ever used this phrase, don't worry, you are forgiven, but please don't use it again unless you really mean it!

 

[Sharon]

I think most people say "I'm too busy dealing with real life matters" or something along those lines and genuinely mean it. Now people that do not elaborate more than that... well to me, that just sounds like they are not close enough with their superiors to go into detail about what is going on in their offline world. Is this the fault of the individual or the the superior(s)? Eh, that could be debatable. How receptive would most administrators (all forums not just FP) if people just flat out said I've been playing video games for hours and am on a roll - or I'm hanging out with my boyfriend/girlfriend most nights now sorry. Again... that all depends on the individuals rapport with each other I think.

 

[Nebulous]

Nothing in life takes up every waking second of our day and most of us have smart phones so the internet is accessible to us at all times. There isn't really a valid excuse for inactivity when you think of it like that, but, I think people just feel overwhelmed sometimes when they have lot of real world stuff going on. Extinguishing a few trivial internet obligations might "lighten the load" & help them feel less stressed out I suppose. They usually come back when things calm down for them. No biggie. Not everyone is a good multitasker. 😛

 

[Cosmic]

I think most people say "I'm too busy dealing with real life matters" or something along those lines and genuinely mean it. Now people that do not elaborate more than that... well to me, that just sounds like they are not close enough with their superiors to go into detail about what is going on in their offline world. Is this the fault of the individual or the the superior(s)? Eh, that could be debatable. How receptive would most administrators (all forums not just FP) if people just flat out said I've been playing video games for hours and am on a roll - or I'm hanging out with my boyfriend/girlfriend most nights now sorry. Again... that all depends on the individuals rapport with each other I think.

Yeah, I guess you definitely have a point there about people not being receptive. But I, for one, would respect you a lot more if you just said "Hey man, I'm tired of this" and quit, rather than hanging on for weeks or months, claiming "real life issues," while meanwhile you're playing video games. 😛

And I'm not saying video games are bad or anything. Just that if that's what makes you happy, do that. Embrace it. You shouldn't be ashamed to admit it, and I can't blame you for it.

Nothing in life takes up every waking second of our day and most of us have smart phones so the internet is accessible to us at all times. There isn't really a valid excuse for inactivity when you think of it like that, but, I think people just feel overwhelmed sometimes when they have lot of real world stuff going on. Extinguishing a few trivial internet obligations might "lighten the load" & help them feel less stressed out I suppose. They usually come back when things calm down for them. No biggie. Not everyone is a good multitasker. 😛

That's definitely a good point about people getting overwhelmed. And I can understand that too, it's just what annoys me is when people take a permanent lack of interest in a site, and instead explain it away as a temporary burden of "real life issues." When you do that, it's not addressing the problem. Also, it's not lightening your burden either, unless you quit.

 

[Thomasss]

I used this phrase all the time until I bucked up and just said "Okay, I have lost interest" or what not. Sometimes life really does blindside you and become overwhelmed and people forget about forums, and other times they use it as an excuse. I've heard it too many times, and I honestly will drop you from my staff team if I ever hear "real life got in the way" because you can always describe how real life got in the way, like "college exams" and what not. If you are busy, you are busy. Sometimes I have gone and said "tomorrow is my day off from here. Leave me alone" and I have seen forums embrace a "day" off per say for their staff members just to they are not tied down to the forum all the time.

Granted, I try to make my staff members feel that they can be open on why they are not online, from gaming or reading or watching netflix, I really don't care. As long as you are still active on the rest of the days and it doesn't become this daily thing that takes you away from the duties online, you should live your life, everyone needs a break. What I hate the most though is when people don't tell you. 😛

Basically, I cannot stand when people say real life got to me. Real life isn't a thing, the things that happen in real life is. Two totally different things. 😛

 

[John]

Agreed with Thomas and Matthew. Honestly, most people like this fall under two categories: uninterested or flashy. Uninterested is self explanatory, but it seems to me a lot of people want the staff title; even when they're only holding on by a thread and no one wants them anymore. With that being said, there are plenty of things to be busy with IRL. I sometimes have to take a few days off because of work, or a vacation. Those are rather short lived, however. The only thing I think I could be busy with is either family or work, and I cannot see those being long drawn-out type things.

 

[Allenafaith]

I only use this phrase when it's something in real life that I don't want to discuss or I don't want anything to know about. If it's really really personal I will say that real life got in the way of things.

 

[MrDawn]

I have said those words for the most part being I don't have as much time. This means I cannot get on at night to check the forum like a good little staff member. I don't have Internet where I live anymore seeing as I am having a few personal issues on going. But if I go to an Internet cafe or Library than I can access the net.

Sure I can jump on as a member and post around. But being on staff can be time consuming meaning you have to check other people's posts and see reports should they exist. The more staff positions you take, the more time it can take. Being a member however is different. Nothing is really expected of you other than posting around on and off whenever it conveniences you.

 

[Nebulous]

Nothing in life takes up every waking second of our day and most of us have smart phones so the internet is accessible to us at all times. There isn't really a valid excuse for inactivity when you think of it like that, but, I think people just feel overwhelmed sometimes when they have lot of real world stuff going on. Extinguishing a few trivial internet obligations might "lighten the load" & help them feel less stressed out I suppose. They usually come back when things calm down for them. No biggie. Not everyone is a good multitasker. 😛

That's definitely a good point about people getting overwhelmed. And I can understand that too, it's just what annoys me is when people take a permanent lack of interest in a site, and instead explain it away as a temporary burden of "real life issues." When you do that, it's not addressing the problem. Also, it's not lightening your burden either, unless you quit.

Couldn't you just switch them to VIP/Elite status until they're able to be around more?