vividlion said:
@Blackangel
Where is the criticism? I'll refer you to this quote
"30% of the girls in my graduating class got pregnant on prom night. There were quite a few baby bumps in attendance at the graduation ceremony. It was pretty depressing."
vividlion said:
You're saying it is pretty depressing and sad, honestly how is that not criticizing?
That is because, it is depressing and sad, that is not a criticism, but fact. These are young women who haven't had the chance to experience life as an adult, since having grown up in their parent's house, and become their own person, trying new experiences or seeing what kind of person they want to be and what they want to do in life, and now, the only thing they have to look forward to is taking care of someone else for the next 18 - 21 years when they can barely take care of themselves.
They can still work on these things themselves, but only after their kid has been taken care of, until then, their wants and feelings, etc., go on the back burner. I have been in touch with a lot of these women, and most of them haven't done much with their lives since high school, and the fathers have not been in touch. I know, because I went to my 10th reunion, and we've all exchanged info. Not much has changed for them since graduation. Note: I am not saying that this is true of all teens that have, or want to get pregnant, but that was the case with the teens I am referring to.
vividlion said:
just because they gotten pregnant doesn't mean that they are abusing the support they have or are throwing it away.
I wasn't talking about the girls in my graduating class when I said they were abusing the support of their parents, although, it is very likely that they were. I was talking about my cousins. My aunt struggled as a single mom taking care of them, and when her oldest ended up pregnant first, she helped her take care of her kid.
Instead of the younger one using common sense, and avoiding the same situation, she instead, decided to get pregnant as well because she saw the attention her sister was getting from her mother and everyone else.
Instead of them learning their lesson after having their first kid, they decided to continue their behavior. Only one or two of the kids fathers are in the picture, and even though, the oldest is working, going to school and taking care of the 4 she has, the younger, is carrying her 10th and 11th kid already and has since kept going.
How is this not abuse of their mother's support?
Also, my mom was a divorced mom as well, she took care of me and my brother while working 2 jobs, attending college and taking care of my late great-grandmother. Neither me, or my siblings have kids, or have been in trouble with the law, etc. and there are plenty of other single parents in similar situations, so this isn't a single parent issue.
vividlion said:
They don't know any better...
They did know better. They just decided not to listen to their mother and acted as if they knew it all, and believed that it wouldn't happen to them. If these kids know how to have sex, and ignore their parents, and go off thinking as if they know all there is to know about sex, then they should already know that it leads to children, and that there is a lot more to sex, than just intercourse.
Adults know that there are consequences for their actions, especially when it comes to sex, and that there is more to sex, than just the physical, there is the mental and emotional aspect of it as well, and if a kid is out there doing these things and don't know anything then it is evident that that kid should not be having sex. Plain and simple. I know nothing about nuclear physics, and so, I am not going to go off thinking that I do and start messing with things pertaining to this subject. It's common sense really.
vividlion said:
we need to have understanding for them. It's not going to help them if we have that attitude towards them.
We were sympathetic to them after the first kid, but that went away when they decided to continue having them as they were competing for their mother's attention. And no, that isn't an assumed reason, but the actual reason they gave.
My younger cousin is always telling me some sob story about how she can't do this, or that or go anywhere and can't even get one of the fathers to get diapers, let alone see their kid, and while I do feel bad for her, she repeatedly chose this for herself. If she had stopped at one, she'd have a kid old enough to take care of themself and would be free to pursue the things she's always wanted to do in life. At 28 years old, her kid would be about 16 today.
But that is not the case, she kept going after the first one. She chose not to learn from the struggles her mom had as a divorced parent, she chose not to learn from the struggles her sister had with her first kid and as a teen mom and she is still choosing not to learn anything from her current circumstance to this day.
Also, these are not kids we are talking about here, these women who are now 30 and 28, and although the older is doing the right thing by her kids, the younger is still having them and is barely able to care for the ones she has already.
Why should I, or anyone feel sorry for her, if she refuses to learn from her circumstances? My aunt is very ill and can barely take care of herself, and can't afford to either, because of the selfish actions of her own daughters, so what happens to her? While the older one is doing what she has to do for herself, and her kids, her sister refuses to do so.
This isn't only regarding my cousins, but anyone. If you can't/won't/don't take responsibility for your own actions, why should anyone feel sorry for, or try to help you? You've got to help yourself first.
My cousin's older sister got pregnant by accident at 14, she saw the attention her sister was getting and decided to get pregnant too. After that, every 9 months when one got pregnant, the other got pregnant. Her older sister stopped at 4, the cousin I just visited has 9 already and she said she is carrying twins. It is sad, but I wish her luck in tracking down the fathers and hope that she can get support from them, since she didn't make them by herself."
I don't see how this is a criticism. I quite plainly said that I hope that she is able to track down the fathers for support, since she didn't make those kids by herself. Where is the critique in that?
"It is bound to get worse with time, since it has been said that human intelligence has been on the decline and it has been said that those of higher intelligence either have very few children, or have opted not to have children. Not sure why that is though.. maybe it is the burden of knowledge that is affecting this.."
This quote was not referring to my cousins at all, it was regarding human intelligence. This was a point that I have already elaborated on. Since you cant look into this yourself regarding my statement, here is a link.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/2 ... 93846.html
Here is a link elaborating on the relationship between fertility and intelligence.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility_and_intelligence
There is even a color coded map indicating the areas of the world that have the least educated people and the average family size in these areas. Note: Before you mention the fact that it is a wiki link, there are sources to the data found within the article.
Furthermore, it is stories like this:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/ma ... 39765.html
this:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... -home.html
this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/0 ... _hp_ref=tw
and this:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... -them.html
That support my point about those who are less educated having more children than their counterparts. These stories, and others like it take place in areas of the U.S. in which education is valued the least. Some states are actively defunding sex ed in public schools.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/0 ... 47024.html
When you take away the education, just what do you think will happen?
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/03 ... ?mobile=nc
Here is a list of states that still have the highest teen birthrates by state, even though teen pregnancies have been down overall.
http://health.usnews.com/health-news/ar ... birth-rate
It's no secret that the least educated areas have the most teen pregnancies.
Dean@Simplix said:
I think what Black Angel meant by abuse was the fact that the girls, even after their first or second baby - when they "know better" and have had plenty of support, just go on having more babies. That's abusing the support that's already there, it's the mentality that "oh hey, I can have babies and I'll get the support anyway."
THANK YOU!
On topic, I am appreciative of the fact that Dean@Simplix understands EXACTLY what I mean.
