What if you were running a forum with your spouse?

[Beverly]

Let's say that you owned a forum with your spouse or significant other (boyfriend/girlfriend) and things ran very smoothly for awhile until the relationship fell apart. In this scenario, I'm assuming you are very public about your relationship and both parties are active members of the community.

Chances are, the forum community would have grown attached to both of you, so if one person left, it would cause a rift. How would you handle this situation to keep your personal troubles from ripping up your community?

 

[MrDawn]

I would have to say that would be a horrible situation for both the forum community and the founding administrator couple.

I can't describe it, but I think it boils down to which founder wants to keep the community and that both should keep the conversation completely out of the forum as to not cause a panic or a rift of any sort if it can be helped.

I think it would be a mature decision on both parties and that if both want the community they should either work together and keep the peace and not take it out on the community. I think adults should deal with their relationships behind closed doors and not on the internet.

It would be unfair and immature to take it out on the community. So its better to make the people of your community stay comfortable. People use forums as a way to relax and enjoy themselves. Only making your relationship status public on the forum can really hurt that and drive people out. It would not be a forum I would want to be at. So yes, I would leave as I believe these things are private.

 

[Forces of Steel]

It's not a good idea to even share a community with your romantic partner or spouse. As you said, when things go sour, there may be a lot of drama on its way. You also never know if they start flirting with other members.

On the other hand, if the two have always had a consistent relationship for decades, then it could work. Just learn to give each other some personal time.

 

[Black Angel]

I've been running a forum with my spouse since I started it 10 years ago. I should say that we've been together for 14 years, been married since 2010, but overall it hasn't been a problem.

In our relationship, we're best friends first, and the way we act toward each other on the forum, is pretty much the way we are offline, and being the extremely private people we are, we wouldn't post anything on the forum, that we wouldn't say in a room full a people and so, for us, it works.

We avoid this situation by not being in it in the first place.

I have been on forums with nauseating, attention-whoring couples and individuals who have felt the need to mark their territory on each other in topics throughout the forum, that is, if they weren't using other topics on the forum as some sort of foreplay with way too many tmi comments, or posting personal announcements (be it a pregnancy, birth or trying) as though any one on the forum cares. If you are running a family, parenting or pregnancy forum, or a forum with friends and family only, then that is one thing, but outside of that, and it is a blatant attempt at getting attention for yourself.

And god forbid, that you speak up about it, because then you're just jealous, bitter, lonely or never got laid, don't have anyone at home.. etc., and not because their behavior is in any way unprofessional, inappropriate, or alienating to people. If it's one person complaining, then you might have a point, but if it is more than 10, then you have a problem. Which these admins usually solved with a ban.

The only thing more hilarious than couples and individuals like these are the ones who have broken up, and 9/10, it's the same people.. and it is sad because at some point the community did get attached to one or both of them and people will eventually take sides, that's if it didn't immediately kill the community, which, over time, it usually does.

As for the other 1/10, the couple listened to what people had to say, apologized for their behavior and decided from then on to keep their personal stuff off the forum.

I have always said, that if you have to post about how special your relationship or life is, and constantly lay it on thick and mark your territory where your partner is concerned, then your relationship or life isn't really special to begin with your days together are numbered.

I've heard that a few years ago, a major forum host went under as a result of a divorce, when the owner could no longer afford to keep the service up. So if anything, that's probably a good reason not to have your spouse or s/o involved, but it can work if you are just running a forum, you just have to watch your behavior on the forum in the same way you would watch what you'd say if you were in a room full of people..