@Princess MeowsePad
As I read your latest post, one thing became clear to me as to what your problem ultimately is as reading that blog post has grieved me(how could I not be grieved at the suffering of a dear friend of mine?) and I have spent these past few days thinking about how to offer a response to it ever since I read it.
You have what I will call a spokesman who came into your life at some point through a voice of one person or another who may or may not be in your life anymore and through that action this "spokesman" who exists as an entity in your mind has made a convincing argument to you that you are worthless, have no value and can do nothing worthy of admiration or respect toward anyone. You likely heard this message for so long in your mind and have let the spokesman's "evidence" convince you it was true and in turn he became the person who speaks for you and determines what you see and how you take what is written or said to you by others. Now, every-time someone actually shows respect or admiration to you, the spokesman comes along and convinces you to ignore them because they are just liars or they just don't know you like the spokesman knows you.
The spokesman invalidates your every effort to be of value to others, have worth in the sight of others and to be loved and admired by others which is why you go to what I would imagine as excessive and likely harmful lengths to earn something that you don't think you have ever had by others whether they be offline or online.
The truth is you are admired, seen as having worth ,and loved here because I care about you and I am sure that I am not alone in that. I would not have spent the time I have spent here since I met you nor ever be noticed by administration that led to my promotion if you haven't been here to keep me around here. I owe a great deal to what I have now for you so I must thank you for it all because without you then I would have had none of it. I feel by far greatly blessed to have known you and am disheartened that you would leave this place or consider leaving it and with it me because you don't think you are valued, admired and loved here. I know the spokesman will try to dissuade from listening to me here so I ask this...
If he says that I am a liar then demand the evidence that proves it. If he claims that I am a fool then demand the evidence that proves that. If you can't find the evidence that proves either claim as true then why listen to the spokesman when he is an obvious liar? Do yourself a favor and fire that spokesman and start reading things yourself and letting them and not the spokesman tell you what they say. If that day shall come to pass when that happens then you will surely be better for it.